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Transcription

Susan-Elizabeth Littlefield 0:00
It’s time now to talk about something that we often like to avoid. We’re talking about handling conflicts. Well, we got some really solid tips for you here from Twin Cities, business and life coach Jasna Burza. Good morning guys not glad to have you with us.

Jasna Burza 0:17
Such a pleasure. Okay,

Susan-Elizabeth Littlefield 0:19
I want to talk about something that I kind of don’t want to talk about, but it’s linked with people in those tense situations. At some point,

Jasna Burza 0:27
unfortunately, when I talk about this, we’re going to experience sense in difficult situations, conflicting situations. But you and I, let’s find ways to do to share tips and how to defuse those situations and protect our energy. So we have a few tips that are sure to work. Okay. Well,

Susan-Elizabeth Littlefield 0:45
I know you say this, stay calm. But that’s tricky when you’re really fired up and your adrenaline’s going. It really is, but

Jasna Burza 0:53
easy, keep it at the center of the mind. And we take a deep, deep breaths, like the breath is such an activator of the parasympathetic side of our brain, it is impossible to be all worked out and be breathing deeply at the same time. Conflict creates such fear and anxiety. And when we are emotionally charged, our cortisol speeds up right. So by reading deeply, we are calming ourselves down, we have to remember it adding more fuel to the fire does not help everywhere. So it is not always possible. But we have to try. Don’t engage when you are emotionally charged. If you can remember that. Just take a timeout Kula buyers of time run to the restroom. But just calm yourself as much as you can. That is number one. And then you said

Susan-Elizabeth Littlefield 1:41
empathize, which is hard to do when you’re mad at someone. Again,

Jasna Burza 1:45
always hard to do. But there are always two sides to the story. We’re still married to our own story, right? But what if you ask yourself just one question. What else could this mean? If we’re really honest, how many times have we argued about something and we really didn’t know the full story, right? So if we empathize and we put ourselves in someone else’s shoes are we just take a minute longer to listen, versus acting out of our own righteousness, I really think that that can heal that relationship or just defuse it a little bit. So you’re kind of

Susan-Elizabeth Littlefield 2:17
validating them in some manner, right? Well, I know that

Jasna Burza 2:22
this is also difficult, but that is the thing that riding a bicycle is difficult at some point until we until we try it then becomes easier. FBI agents and you know, negotiators, in difficult situations, always say this, reaffirm and validate the other person because it immediately puts them at ease. And example of doing that is saying something like I can tell that this is very, very upsetting to you, or, oh my goodness, it’s really important to you, I see that you’re very, very emotional about this, or, you know, versus Why are you so mad about it? Oh, what’s wrong with you, when we do that? We are we’re just acknowledging their emotions doesn’t mean we’re agreeing with them. Or we’re acknowledging their emotions, because they’re very, very real.

Susan-Elizabeth Littlefield 3:07
Okay, and last tip here, walk away. Sometimes you

Jasna Burza 3:11
just have to do that I practice that with my husband quite a bit. Just know, it’s not going anywhere. Sometimes the best healing technique that we can do to defuse the situation, if we feel ourselves getting out of control, just walk away, I feel like it is the last resort. But sometimes we don’t want to be pulled into the vortex of chaos. And it’s perfectly okay just to walk away and protect our mental health and sanity and come back to it at a later point, hood. Apologies are different different techniques for negotiate, negotiate. And like you said, like

Susan-Elizabeth Littlefield 3:46
riding a bike, you work this muscle, and you get better at it over time, right? Every single time. And that’s how we get

Jasna Burza 3:53
better at anything, right? And we also want to say we have to expect difficult and challenging situations like we’re going to have them all our lives. So the more we practice, the better at it. We get Hey, that’s life and

Susan-Elizabeth Littlefield 4:05
we’re glad we have you to coach us through it. Thank you